I just saw the movie "The Conjuring"... I was friggin SCARY! What a HUGE mind fuck.

That awkward moment when your wife is washing the dishes, and you put one in the sink.

You call it "Road Rage", but I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around idiots who don't know how to drive".

If you plan on seeing the movie Gravity... See it in IMAX 3D!! It was unbelievable! Great movie. Incredible effects.

It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.

I would like to thank my arms, for always being by side. My legs, for always supporting me, & my fingers…because I can always count on them.